You have to be SHITTING me.

I'm a marketer's dream. Seriously. I see a new product and I.must.have.it. So, I've had the itch to go buy myself one of these:

I saw the commercial for these little numbers the other day. First of all, I'm a big fan of the regular Magic Eraser. So, if you give me suds AND the scent of Febreze in an already fab product, I'm sold.

I've been meaning to scrub my tub/shower for quite some time. It's embarrassing how much soap scum there is. But good ol' soap and water just won't cut through it. Even with a scrub brush. And if I clean it and it still looks scummy, I just feel like my work's unfinished. So, I just don't do it at all. Because why go through the work of "cleaning" a surface that's just going to look dirty when you're done? I see no point either.

I realize there are products out there that will cut the scum with just a few squirts, but I'm actually quite partial to my nose hairs and would rather not burn them out with the noxious mix of chemicals those products pack. Plus, my little boy's precious little bottom touches those surfaces and I just feel bad using such harsh chemicals with him in the house now (which is why I now buy Seventh Generation...or, of course, the newly marketed Clorox Greenworks products...I just *had* to try them, you know?!)

Anyway, I stopped at Target to get a few things, including the new sudsing Magic Eraser. I brought home my prize and immediately went to work on the shower. Whaddya know...it works wonders! Sure, it takes a bit more elbow grease than, say, The Works...but it definitely did the job. The soap scum was GONE...and in its place was the fresh scent of Febreze. Woot!

I stood and admired my gleaming tub for a minute before rescuing my high chair-bound son. I'll admit, I was a bit annoyed at how much spaghetti he was wearing and how my spotless tub would be tainted with Ragu, but I undressed him and plopped him in the water anyway. I washed him and then let him play (he adores bath time) while I read my book. I was just getting to the end of the chapter and about to dog-ear the page so I could get him out when I heard this strange noise, coupled with utter silence from my son -- no splashing, no jabbering -- he was still. It was just like he gets when he's playing with his toys in the living room and stops to...

POOP

My son is 14 months old and he's NEVER pooped in the tub before. Ever. (There was that one time when I accidently put him in the tub when he had a turd I didn't see stuck between his cheeks, but that's another story...) But there he was, one cheek out of the water, in utter concentration, dropping a fat deuce in my freshly scrubbed bathtub. Crap. Literally.

I'll admit, I froze up for a second. I mean, I didn't want poo in my clean tub, but I wanted poo on ME even less. Then, I shrieked "not in the tub!!" He started crying. I scared the shit out of him (well, a bit more shit anyway).

I scooped him up and stuck him on the toilet. Yes, seriously. I put my poor, cold, shaking, scared just-turned-14-month-old on the toilet in the hopes that he'd finish his business there. Sometimes, I'm just dumb. I think it goes without saying that he didn't go.

God bless Mike for fishing the turds out of the tub. I'm going to go bleach it out in a bit. I just can't believe the irony.